Which Way Do We Go? – Friends Help Set Your Direction

David Russell

November 2, 2015

1. Welcome
   1. Not long ago, three friends came to the New York city. They decided to stay in a hotel during the visit. It so happened that their room ended up being on the 60th floor. The policy of the hotel was that every night after 12:00 a.m. the elevators are shut down for security reasons. So on the next day, the three friends rented a car and went out to explore the city. They enjoyed movies, concerts, and other things throughout the whole day. At one point, they remembered that they have to get back to the hotel before 12 a.m. When they arrived, it was beyond 12 a.m. at night. The elevators were shut down. There was no other way to get back to their room but to take the stairs all the way to the 60th floor. All of a sudden, one friend got an idea. He said “For the first 20 floors, I will tell jokes to keep us going. Then another one of us could say wisdom stories for the next 20 floors. Then, we will cover the other 20 floors with sad stories.” So, one of the friends started with the jokes. With laughs and joy, they reached the 20th floor. Now, another friend started saying stories that are full of wisdom. So, they learned a lot while reaching the 40th floor. Now, it was time for the sad stories. So, the third friend started thus, “My first sad story is that I left the key for the room in the car.”
   2. Today we are going to talk about fiends
      1. Friends can make us laugh
      2. They can give us wisdom
      3. But, they can also let us down.

 

 

2. Introduction
   1. We are continuing on this series swerve.
      1. There will be times in our lives while we are diving down the road of life that we will, inevitably swerve.
         1. It is bound to happen….no….it is certain to happen.
         2. Life throws us curve balls
         3. We are not perfect
         4. We will swerve.
      2. And because we will swerve, it would be wise to have guardrails in place.
   2. Define Guardrail again:
      1. A system designed to keep vehicles from straying into dangerous or off limit areas.
      2. Today we are going to talk about another area in our lives that need guardrails.
      3. Friends – Everyone has them
         1. You may have one or two…or you may have many.
         2. But we all have friends.
         3. And friends, while mostly good, if we are not prepared, could cause harm.

1. A friend is a person you know and with whom you have a bond of mutual affection.
2. Andy Stanly
   1. Proverbs 13:20
      1. Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm.
      2. It is important to notice what this proverb is saying and what it is not saying.
         1. Walk with the wise and become wise
            1. That is fairly simple and straightforward.
         2. Notice what the second part of this proverb does NOT say
            1. It does not say,
               1. “A companion of fools BECOMES a fool”
            2. It says,
               1. “A companion of fools SUFFERS HARM
            3. Tell story of guy living down the street that Darian wanted to date
               1. Police visited his house 3 times in a few months
               2. Police visited our house 0 times in her life.
               3. I didn’t want my daughter dating him because I knew that friends influence you.

 

 

3. #1 – Friends influence you
   1. Amy Morin – Psychotherapist and author of 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do
      1. Friends can greatly influence your choices.
         1. A 2014 study found that friends often bond by providing one another with moral support to resist a temptation. However, friends also commonly conspire together to enjoy indulgences. Researchers discovered that when it came to resisting temptations — like eating chocolate — sometimes friends were more likely to become partners in crime as they decided to indulge together.
         2. Your likely to start acting like the people you surround yourself with. Pick friends who make poor choices, and you could get dragged down fast. But, if you choose friends who inspire and challenge you to become better, you’ll increase your chances of reaching your goals.
      2. Friends will often do things together that they would never do on their own.
         1. Not too many people go Sky Diving by themselves.
         2. Not too many people go drag racing by themselves.
            1. It is something that two people engage in.
            2. It is frequently the encouragement of one that brings the other, or vice versa.
            3. Almost always, there is someone else involved.
         3. 1 Cor 15:33
            1. Do not be deceived: “Bad company corrupts good character.”
               1. In this scripture you may notice quotes around “bad company corrupts good character.”
               2. Paul is quoting a Greek poet and playwright named
                  Menander (MEN-AND-ER)
                  1. Menander wrote a play about a prominent, high society, companion. By companion they mean prostitute.
                  2. This is a section of the play where it talks about, it describes this companion. It says,
                     1. “She is audacious, beautiful, she does you wrong, she locks her door, keeps asking for gifts, she loves none, but ever makes pretense. Communication with the bad corrupts good character.”
                  3. She is a woman, if you spend enough time around, will corrupt you.
                     1. This is a case where you need a guardrail.
                  4. 1^st Guardrail – It dawns on you that your core group isn’t moving in the direction you want your life to be moving?
                     1. Story
                        1. I decided I wanted to become friends with a group of people who were not my friends.
                           1. I thought they were cool.
                           2. I purposely made efforts to be come their fiend
                              1. I talked with them more
                              2. We did a few things together.
                           3. What I didn’t realize until later, is that this friend group had a different sense of what was good, what was right.
                           4. In many ways this group was moving in a direction that was not inline with the direction I wanted my life to go.
4. #2 – Friends motivate you
   1. There are all kinds of motivation in life.
      1. Motivation to provide for family
      2. Motivation to be accepted
      3. Motivation to succeed.
      4. Some people are
         1. Motivational speakers
         2. Those who overcome great odds motivate us
         3. There are event songs that motivate us
            1. What a Wonderful World – Louis Armstrong
            2. Don’t Stop Believing – Journey
            3. Ain’t no Mountain High Enough – Marvin Gaye & Tammi Terrell
            4. We are the Champtions – Queen
            5. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger – Kelly Clarkson
      5. Those are all positive motivators, but the truth is we can be negatively motivated.
         1. We need to be watchful when that negative motivation comes from friends.
            1. The best way to do that is to have a guardrail in place.
         2. Matthew 23 Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites!
            1. Jesus says this 7 times and cites 7 different reasons.
            2. Acting like you are someone you are not is being a hypocrite.
               1. That is why some people can’t stand Christians.
                  1. When Christians act like they are perfect, then they are being hypocritical.
               2. Acts 5 – Ananias and Sapphira
                  1. Starting at Acts 5:1
                     1. “Now a man named Ananias, together with his wife Sapphira, also sold a piece of property. With his wife’s full knowledge he kept back part of the money for himself.”
                        1. Imagine the conversation that took place before this.
                           1. Ananias and is wife are talking.
                           2. “All the believers are sharing their possessions.”
                           3. “some people are selling their fields and giving the money to the apostles.”
                           4. “we have a field we could sell, but we can’t afford to give all the money to the apostles, because we have some debt to pay off.”
                           5. One of them (probably Ananias) says, “we can give them part of the money, but not tell them.”
                           6. “we can act like it is all the money, then we will be respected like the others who have sold fields.”
   2. 2^nd Guardrail – You catch yourself pretending to be someone other than who you really are.
      1. In this conversation, there was motivation to do something less than honorable. There was motivation to act like they were doing something greater than what they were actually doing.
      2. Anyone who pretends to be something they are not is a hypocrite.

 

 

5. #3 – Friends pressure you
   1. There is some interesting science behind peer pressure.
      1. Psychologist Dr. Brett Laursen says peer pressure, “begins as soon as children start to pay attention to what other children think about them.”
      2. This influence continues well through the rest of our lives.
      3. We care, as much as we may try to think or say we don’t care, the reality is we generally do care what people think of us.
         1. It goes back to motivation.
            1. We are motivated to succeed because we want people to think positively of us.
            2. We are motivated to be accepted.
         2. Brain Games is a great T.V. show by National Geographic.
            1. If you watch the show, you will see in each episode, social experiments with groups of people.
               1. On the peer pressure episode,
            2. Peer pressure can cause us to compromise our positions.
               1. It can cause us to avoid conflict, even the conflict that is desperately needed.
               2. It can cause us to do things we shouldn’t do.
                  1. Or to NOT do things we should do.
               3. Take a look at this clip from Brain Games.
                  1. It shows how peer pressure can cause someone to compromise and to make a choice that is wrong, even when they know the right answer.
         3. 3rd Guardrail – You feel pressure to compromise
         4. Joseph and Potiphar’s wife.
            1. Genesis 39 tells the story of Joseph and Potiphar’s wife.
               1. Joseph is a slave in Potiphar’s house.
               2. He is the greatest of the slaves and has found a place of honor with his master because the Lord blessed him to be successful.
               3. Joseph was in charge of the whole household of Potiphar.
               4. In verse 6 & 7, we learn the Joseph was also handsome and Potiphar’s wife took notice of him.
            2. Joseph had a guardrail, and that guardrail saved him from greater damage.
               1. He did suffer some pain and loss when Potiphar’s wife lied and said he made the moves on her.
                  1. But the pain and loss was less than what he would have experienced if he had gone along with her.
               2. We have a choice
                  1. That choice may not always be easy…it may not always be popular
                     1. We know our friends influence us
                        1. They motivate us
                        2. They pressure us
                        3. And many times those may be done for things that are good and right.
                     2. But we must also be prepared, by having guardrails in place that will keep us from swerving into dangerous or off limit areas.
                  2. I can’t tell you what to do in every situation.
                     1. But I can tell you this
                        1. If you walk with the wise, you will become wise
                        2. If you are a companion of fools, you will suffer.

 

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